Police resolved a dispute between a sex worker and a client who refused to pay — by escorting the man to a cash machine to settle his $100 bill.
The client had refused to pay the woman who had been working on Maich Rd in Manurewa, South Auckland, on Thursday night.
Police settled the matter by driving the man home to get his wallet, taking him to an ATM and then delivering the cash to the worker.
"The most radical thing I could think of to do was to make it ordinary": Tyler Coates Interviews Melissa Gira Grant
Melissa Gira Grant’s Playing the Whore: The Work of Sex Work is an indelible text, both an incredible introduction to the world of sex workers and a radical examination of the stigmatization sex workers face. The most powerful aspect of Playing the Whore, however, comes not from Grant’s…
See, I usually get after this kind of stuff, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I realize that maybe, juuuuuuuust maybe, I only understand why this question is so ridiculous because I am on the inside of the job, not the out. So, anon, I am going to break down why exactly asking sex workers for free content is a real trashy thing to do. Maybe you’ll think twice after this.
First of all, let me just say that most of the sex workers I’ve known live off of what they make from their sales. Even with other jobs, sex work usually seems to be the thing that keeps them above water.
We put a lot of work into what we do, although you might not understand how or why. Which is cool, because I’m going to break it down for you the best that I can. This is the anatomy of a independent video shoot from my perspective.
First, I have to come up with the idea. I am the creative team, I am the writer and the script is all mine. Some days are harder than others. You have to be clever to come up with sales pitches that work. Some of my work is scripted, some videos have story lines. I come up with this stuff. That can be stressful, especially when you have a creative block (yes, sex work DOES require creativity.). When I finally have my idea, which can take any amount of time, I have to get ready for the shoot. First, is wardrobe, hair, and makeup. This can take anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes. For many models, makeup skills are required. Then, I have to set up the shoot, which usually includes lugging around photo lamps, cameras, my computer, tripods, etc.
Then shooting. Not only am I usually shoving stuff in my body, but I’m also contorting my body and face in a way that I think looks good. This can be really uncomfortable and it’s not uncommon to pull a muscle doing so (or at least for me it isn’t.). This obviously isn’t the way I look when I just lay down to masturbate privately because, honestly, not everyone looks good when they actually just masturbate. I don’t. Additionally, for the most part, I can’t see what I’m shooting. I’m my own camera crew. I can’t be watching what I’m filming while I’m being filmed at the same time. This means that, if I finish a video and there’s a part I don’t like in it, I will probably have to do the video all over again. You have absolutely no idea how stressful and infuriating this can be. After the video is done, I have to edit, upload, and market. This can also be very time consuming. Editing is also a skill that sex workers have and use, along with marketing.
All together, this process usually takes hours and hours.
This is how sex workers make money, and it can be very stressful and draining. I don’t remember a single video shoot that I’ve done that I wasn’t exhausted afterwards. Just like any other job, it can be both physically and mentally straining on us.
Imagine being in our shoes. Spending so much time on something that you created. Something unique that you actually like and are pretty proud of. Something that has to bring in money so you can get by. And some stranger comes by, and thinks that they’re entitled to get it for free.
Think twice before asking questions like this.
Naturally I’m a dominant person, but I feel like even if I wasn’t I’d only take calls from submissive men. It’s sad that the only time men respect women is when they have to fetishize that authority and respect.
The idea that sex workers have to feel empowered by their work in order for it to be a valid profession is a really harmful one. Nobody harasses school teachers or construction workers or cashiers about their jobs being demeaning to the point that they have to say “I find it empowering!” so that…
Q:I don't care what you say, you are selling yourself and it's sad
I know! And when you go get your hair done, you are actually buying the hairdresser. Forget about purchasing a service, that’s not a thing. You own that hairdresser now. Also, you are a loser for not being able to get your hair cut for free. If you had more game, one of your friends could do it for you and you wouldn’t have to pay for it.
“As a woman, I want people to stop thinking that disrespecting women is funny. As a stripper, I want them to stop thinking that disrespecting strippers is fun. Making rape and sexual assault humorous takes away the power of the victims and survivors and lessens the culpability of offenders. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. It’s much easier to argue that I’m oversensitive and splitting hairs, so that you can watch your television show without any guilt, rather than making a stand—or at the very least, changing the channel.”
Q:Dearest Lori, after reading posts on your blog & educating myself w/ resources you've linked, I've learned lots! I know you advocate for decriminalization as an interim measure (please correct me if I'm wrong). How do you recommend that feminists like myself support sex workers while simultaneously advocating against the sex industry? I know capitalism is the problem, but shouldn't we still hold male buyers accountable? (p.s. I rewrote this b/c the faux-formality made me sound like a fedora MRA)
Hey, I hate to break it to you, dearest, but you are the equal + opposite force of the MRA: the feminist who really really wants to talk about the men + what we can do about those men. I’m tired of talking about men. But okay, what are we holding them accountable for? Participating in patriarchy? Then why limit yourself to just those who purchase sexual services? Participating in capitalism? Why are we limiting it to men? Why don’t you give nearly as many fucks about the way you, me, AND all these men buy clothes produced by mostly-female garment workers laboring under horrible conditions for low pay? Who asked you to advocate against the sex industry in particular, one of the very few industries that remains an option for those who have been pushed out of all the formal economies like the abusive garment industry? The sex industry is going to be among the *last* to fall, because the poor, disabled, and generally disregarded are going to keep needing it till the revolution ends and utopia is cobbled together from the wreckage of the Forever 21s and H&Ms.
Sex workers don’t need *you* to critique the sex industry. We need you to support *us* in our critiques. If you’re looking for something to advocate against in your free time and economic justice just isn’t sexy enough for you, why not try domestic violence, since that pushes a huge number of people— including most of the underage youth— into the industry? Or, hell, volunteer to play with the kittens at your local animal shelter. Just please, do not write another second-semester philosophy essay on pornography’s effects on male viewers.
"Waste of good ammo. It’s my privilege to buy you a replacement box."
"All self-respecting whites have a moral responsibility to support our growing number of martyrs to the failed experiment called diversity."
"I thank all Police, you are the ‘Thin Blue Line’ protecting normal Americans from aggressive and entitled primitive savages. America is surely at the tipping point."
Just a few quotes (in case it’s hard to read) from that collection of donation messages for Darren Wilson.
Does anyone else want to say it’s not about race?
"I wouldve donated double this amount but you missed his accomplice" I swear to fucking god…
these people are pure evil. not misguided, not confused, nope.
evil to their cores
Also thanks people who have answered/will answer. I can’t really use it in my research YET since I’m focused on Portland but it’s been really interesting, a few dancers have commented their discomfort with the label “sex worker” bc they don’t think of themselves as selling their sexuality.
Some Handy Examples of How Non-Sex Working Feminists Can Aid in Critiquing the Sex Industry
- Your women's studies prof: Class, do you think pornography enables male entitlement?
- You: Well, according to this essay I read by someone who does porn, it doesn't make a lot of sense to just critique it as a piece of media + not a site + product of highly stigmatized labor. So, yes, it does, but that may largely be beside the point of where and how male violence occurs in relation to pornography.
- That lady at your local NOW chapter: It is WRONG for men to purchase sex, therefore we must make it illegal.
- You: I agree that capitalist conditions create coercive and abusive situations for those in the sex industry, but carceral solutions don't address that underlying issue.
- Your younger sister: *points at a Maxim magazine cover* Isn't it wrong that there are all these sexualized pictures of women everywhere?
- You: It's wrong that the male gaze is all-pervasive and our idea of the ideal woman is profoundly racist, sizeist, ableist, and cissexist. It's also wrong that these images exist within the context of a violent patriarchal culture, but the images themselves are not wrong.
- Some rando in your ask box: How do we end the abuse of people in the sex industries?
- You: Let me link you to this blog by sex workers advocating for workers' rights.
- Your boyfriend: Why is there so much bad sex in porn?
- You: Let me show you this essay on porn by a sex worker.
- Your girlfriend: Stripping is exploitative.
- You: Let me show you this academic article written by a stripper.
- Your aunt: Dominatrices probably think they're empowered but really--
- You: Here's a thing written by a sex worker.
- Your grandpa: Prostitution--
- You: Here's a thing written by a sex worker.
- Your cat:
- You: Good point, let me read you this issue of Prose & Lore out loud.
- You: *signal boosts our words + shows up at rallies + emails legislators + gives orgs like Abeni + Sex Workers Project all your damn money*
I’m going to throw this here instead of the tags, because my thoughts don’t relate to the intent of the post.
I love tumblr for stuff like this. I’ve always just accepted that the sex work is a bad thing, and therefore should be illegal. Yet this post comes along, challenges my views of the…